Photo: Lina Trochez
“How is this for me?” has become a commonplace inquiry. What once was a mindbender for most people now teeters on being a meaningless trope. Even I can find myself rolling my eyes with its overuse and yet it is a question that has fundamentally altered my orientation as a human being. And one that I think more of us should be asking of ourselves with greater depth.
As is true with so many slogans, expressions, or platitudes the layers of meaning go far beyond a catchy hook.
To really understand the question, “how is this for me?”, you must be willing to ask and answer a series of other questions:
- What am I here to learn?
- How is this here to serve my growth, my expansion, or my evolution?
- What is this discomfort exposing that I would otherwise not want to look at?
- What could be the gift from this experience?
How is this for me?
A question often asked when things feel difficult or unclear, when things are unfolding in a way that is counter to your plans, desires, or intentions—the use of the word “for” is what makes this inquiry so powerful. If something is for you it implies that it is in service of you. It also suggests that whatever is for you must not be against you. Consider that possibility.
What if no one or no thing is actually against you? Consider that possibility before explaining all of the ways I am crazy for suggesting such a notion.
The shift in awareness of something being for you or in service of you is a complete reorientation to the circumstances you may be navigating. It is a disposition. A filter. An assumption. A context.
Relating to every encounter in life as being a contribution to your growth is a big idea. I am not suggesting this is a filter that you will adopt swiftly or without discomfort.
When a lover leaves with no explanation. Or a team member quits unexpectedly. Losing your home. Receiving a diagnosis. Things happen every day to every one of us and often we are left without understanding “why”.
Take a look at the significant challenges in your personal and professional life and certainly in our collective experience on the planet, “WHY?” is likely a question you’ve asked yourself and others.
Asking “why” seems like a reasonable inquiry. Though it is fundamentally flawed. Asking “WHY” will never give you the satisfaction you most deeply desire.
The real questions that provide deep satisfaction and meaning must provoke curiosity, self reflection, and greater understanding, not merely quick and easy answers.
At the time I write this blog post we are approaching the 2024 United States Presidential Election amidst a historically polarized political landscape and cynical populace. We are living amidst a steeply increasing wealth divide. We are living amidst ongoing international conflict in places like Gaza, Congo, and Ukraine. And, we are living amidst unprecedented media access and coverage. There is endless airtime and psychic energy given to the many ways in which something, anything, is against you, me, and the whole world.
If you’re willing, get honest with yourself. Ask yourself, where (not if) you believe that someone or something really is against you, your people, or your community. And then ask yourself how that position, that point of view, serves you, supports you, or holds you back.
We often dig our heels in when we are more committed to being right than we are to contributing to a solution. But you are here for so much more than righteousness. You are here for more than defending, proving, and persuading.
How is this for me? is not only a question meant for navel gazers, spiritual seekers, self help junkies, or between you and your coach or therapist.
How is this for you? is a question we must all ask ourselves—personally and collectively. Every single one of us has co-created the circumstances in which we find ourselves individually, professionally, communally, nationally, and globally. This inquiry supposes a willingness toward radical responsibility and the opportunity for transformation.
If global conflict results in nothing more than positionality and righteousness, or a devastating diagnosis produces an endless state of despair, then we lose. We lose the gift in every single encounter, every single moment. We lose the opportunity to create new outcomes for ourselves and those we love. We lose the lesson. We lose solutions. We lose connection. We lose perspective.
When heartbreaking experiences happen, we always have the opportunity to wonder what the gift may be. We always have the opportunity to tap into our extraordinary imagination and access ideas, possibilities, and healing.
We are here to grow and evolve. Not stay stagnant and camped out.
Would you be willing to consider that everything that is happening in your life and on the planet is in service of a greater evolutionary cycle? Would you be willing to ask the question, “how is this for me?”
Get support navigate this tumultuous time on the planet. Find out if Transformational Leadership Coaching is right for you right now.
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