Photo: Kalei de Leon
I do not watch television. And I specifically avoid “the news”. Some people say, “nothing good happens after midnight” and while there may be some truth to that I’d rather people consider that “nothing good comes from positional, righteous, drama based opinions.” Like nothing.
The only time you’ll find me watching television is when someone gives me a really strong recommendation in which case I go hard for about three days and usually take on the role of a character which is always jarring for my husband and kids. Sort of an all or nothing kind of disposition. Scandal. New Girl. Parenthood. This Is Us. Ted Lasso. Yellowstone. Everything’s Gonna Be Ok. The Bear. Just a handful of deep dives that include my favorite characters.
My aversion to today’s polarizing climate comes very honestly from my dad. As a child, my dad would often remind me, “don’t get too high with the highs or too low with the lows.” As an Irish Catholic entrepreneur, he was giving me a very Buddhist lesson…it’s the middle way that maintains a peaceful soul. It is one of many reminders he has given me that I repeat and share frequently.
Resisting the temptation of highs and lows or rights and wrongs is a universal reminder that we could all benefit from right now.
The human experience is a never ending practice ground to develop a capacity for the middle way.
You and I are constantly seduced into the really high and the really low. Whether through news outlets, social media posts, company complaints, or relational gossip. As a species we ride these highs (not enjoying the inevitable lows nearly as much) through our dependence on winning, alcohol, drugs, sex, shopping, or any other number of numbing practices that give us quick hits.
Look, I am not suggesting you rob yourself of a good time. I am not suggesting you be uninformed or out to lunch. I am not suggesting you go meditate on a mountaintop. Or give up your whiskey or favorite indulgence that turns you on.
Get turned on. Give up the quick hits—they’re taxing.
We would have a more peaceful planet if people got turned on rather than just getting a quick hit while avoiding what’s really going on inside.
It’s the hit of fear that gets masked through numbing that creates dis-ease in the human condition.
The highs and lows of good versus bad, right versus wrong, and you against me are indicative of the greatest addiction that human beings suffer from—the addiction to fear and the numbing that we are overly dependent on.
An easy way to see how deep in you are on the drama of the human condition (aka U.S. Presidential Election, Israel and Gaza, Women’s Rights or any other “hot topic”) is to identify who the regular villains, victims, and heroes are in your story line. And then notice what happens to your physiology, what happens in your body when you bring those story lines to mind.
If your level of reactivity increases when your position, opinion, candidate, or point of view is challenged you know that you’ve arrived in a pattern that leaves you wholly ineffective in making a difference. If you can’t really get the “other side” and their point of view, you’re really trapped.
Here’s the thing, I have opinions. So many opinions.
As you may know, race, religion, and politics are among my favorite conversations. I have opinions on politicians. I have opinions on elected officials. I have opinions on bad actors. I have opinions on international atrocities. I have opinions on social media posts. I have opinions on friends. I have opinions on family members.
I have so many opinions. And so do you.
But honestly, who cares about my opinions. Who cares about your opinions. Quite frankly, that’s the hit we’re all addicted to, our opinions and finding out the opinions of others. Perhaps you get your hit from arguing with the opposing position. Or you get your hit from gaining agreement from as many people as possible. Or maybe you like it both ways—arguing endlessly and agreeing feverishly. The highs and lows—they are addictive.
Consider yourself an addict. An addict of righteousness, positionality, division, and fear. Most of us are. Not because we’re bad people but rather because we keep feeding the beast.
Would you be willing to admit that you have a problem? Would you be willing to turn that problem over? And let go of being right.
Human beings are desperate for an upgrade in consciousness. An upgrade that involves transcending our survival based tendencies. We must go beyond us versus them.
Become an informed citizen, free of drama based media outlets and hyperreactive personalities. Vote for who you’re going to vote for.
And turn off your television. Stop scrolling.
If you don’t want to stop scrolling then at least curate your social media feed so you get cute animals and babies, pretty flowers and wondrous acts of nature, incredible music and beautiful art. You will feel better and so will the world around you.
I leave you with my dad’s other steady reminder, the 11th Commandment:
Thou shall not take thyself too seriously.
Take a breath. Find your center. Disrupt the addiction to drama. Connect with real human beings. Those that agree with you and those that disagree with you. Practice curiosity. Engage in loving interaction. And imagine a human experience and a world that is “for something and against nothing.” I wonder what we could create from that place. Miraculous.
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