Photo: Towfiqu Barbhuiya

When high performing and results oriented human beings hear the word surrender they often contract. There’s a survival response that kicks in with an assumption that I am asking them to stop doing what they know how to do best—control outcomes and get what they want. The assumption is that they have to stop all activity and do nothing.

Inactivity is not the same thing as surrender.

We have been culturally conditioned to:

  • rely on the almighty self, above all else
  • mastermind a plan that is vetted and tested
  • compete in everything
  • win

Certainly those skills are valuable.

Though it is important to understand that:

  • self reliance is distinct from egocentricity; to center your ego and its agenda is to severely limit your magic
  • strategic planning is even more supportive when space is allowed for mystery to unfold
  • competition is typically rooted in scarcity, there’s a world beyond that
  • our definition of winning is very young and must be broadened

The human condition is hardwired to protect and defend against risk and threat. Your survival instincts will have you believe that surrendering will lead to your death. I promise, it won’t.

When my husband and I got married seventeen years ago I would stop breathing during our arguments. I had a belief structure that was firmly in place and it included maintaining strength in all circumstances. I did not want to give any indication of surrender. I was committed to my way, my perspective, and my point of view—that was how I thought I would stay safe. Whatever the conflict was between us felt like a threat to my identity, my separate sense of self, my ego, my survival. That way of being was a trap. I couldn’t see that seventeen years ago. It took years of untangling from a belief structure that didn’t serve me.

If you’re willing to be honest with yourself, try mapping the example from my marriage onto you and your life and notice the ways in which you have your own tendencies to defend and resist surrender.

Surrender is a practice that offers a new way of being and goes beyond what you already know.

Here’s what surrender isn’t. Study this list to avoid making life, work, and relationships hard:

  1. Surrender isn’t forcing results, outcomes, or accomplishments.
  2. Surrender isn’t a perfectly designed plan without room for error or improv.
  3. Surrender isn’t controlling everyone and everything.
  4. Surrender isn’t the absence of planning.
  5. Surrender isn’t inaction or doing nothing.
  6. Surrender isn’t magical thinking or wishing.
  7. Surrender isn’t waiting to be rescued.
  8. Surrender isn’t blind faith.
  9. Surrender isn’t naivete.
  10. Surrender isn’t acquiescing.

Surrender is a deep practice that involves a commitment to self awareness. It is a beautiful invitation to take inspired action, take responsibility for that which you desire and are committed to and then trust that something greater is happening here.

If you are being called to your next evolution and ready to step into a realm of infinite possibilities, surrender could be your next great adventure. I work with influential leaders, high performers, people that are excellent at their craft and are ready to uplevel their work in the world. If that’s you, let’s explore how this and other transformative practices can elevate your leadership and life.

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